The Ballad of Mandible Bones
'Twas many and many a story ago
(and oh, how the cold wind moans)
Off the coast of a nation without any flags
Where the waves crash against the cold stones
Begins the tale of the worst pirate ever
By the name of Mandible Bones.
They say his mother was a kobold lass
From a swamp where the mosquito drones,
And they say that his father was dragon of black
(who left the lass all on her own)
To raise the child up to be like unto a god —
But all they got was young Mandible Bones.
Nine siblings made Io, the dragons’ high god
But two could not leave well ‘nuff alone
"Too many!" spake Bahamut. "Too few," Tiamat said
And seven more voices lost in their groans.
Finally blind Io proposed a solution
One day heard by Mandible Bones.
"If one dragon born of a true dragon rise
And destroy a thousand of his own,
Should he lay claws on the Heart of the Ocean
Then no matter the gnashing and moans
We’ll raise him among us, a god like the rest,
Even if he’s Mandible Bones.”
Back on Creation, the young kobold child
Having cleared out the low-level zones
Laid hands on a ship, he called the Black Dragon
And heeded the wind’s dulcet tones,
Turned pirate - dread pirate - and plied the salt sea:
The pirate called Mandible Bones.
Lost the first Black Dragon in a fight with the navy,
And the second and third to cyclones
The fourth to a kraken, the fifth to a whale
And the next ten to old Davy Jones
Until nine hundred ninety nine Black Dragons were lost
At the hands of young Mandible Bones.
"He’s the worst pirate ever!" sailors all exclaim
And the loansharks won’t give him more loans
But he’s seeking a crew and a ship to go with it
To go explore the world’s great unknowns
For one more Black Dragon and the Heart of the Ocean
Makes a god out of Mandible Bones.